Dealing with Pregnant Women: A How To (and What NOT To Do)

I recently discovered an old journal entry from when I was pregnant and I’m so glad I found it.  These guidelines are applicable and sensible and should be used on a go-forward basis.

Things I will never say/do to a pregnant woman (many or all were said and done to me:

• "Hey there, Skinny!"
• "Wow, you’re getting really big!”
• Force them to choose where to eat because they’re pregnant.  “Well I don’t really care where we eat, but you’re pregnant so you probably REALLY care”.
• Treat them like they are incapable of doing anything themselves.  Just because they’re pregnant doesn’t mean that they can’t open a jar of pickles.
• At the same time keep in mind those things they can’t do: wash bathtubs, stay out too late and/or over-exert themselves socially, stand on their feet for too long, paint their own toenails, remove/tie their shoes.
• Blame ANY hormone problems on them being pregnant, even if (especially if) it is clear that the hormones and/or irrationality is due to the pregnancy.  “Uh oh, the pregnant woman is pissed/sad/emotional/irrational”.  What do you think this will do to said woman?  How do you think your head will feel when it’s had a jar of pickles thrown at it?
• Everything that happens to you when you are pregnant seems justified yet often unexplainable.  Feelings and emotions that are or seem to be irrational to everyone (including you) still happen uncontrollably and the LAST thing you need is someone pointing it out and making it worse.
•  Don’t ask them obvious questions: “How are you feeling?” “Hanging in there?” "Are you tired? Hungry?” “Are you pregnant?"  Also, try not to ignore what they are going through.  Ask more specific, meaningful questions.
• Don’t point out and blame crankiness on them either. 
• When they are 8 months pregnant and incredibly anxious about having a baby, don’t say things like “Oh, it’ll come in time” or “He/She/Baby will be here soon enough!” or “Enjoy it now, while you still can…get some sleep while you can”.  There is a reason why a woman is anxious and these statements only grind on the nerves of the anxious woman.  Do you think she's stupid?!  She knows the baby will come soon enough/in time.  If she could sleep on this giant stomach that has a baby in it (which is coming soon enough, trust she heard you the first time), she FUCKING WOULD.
• Don’t act like a know-it-all expert.  If a pregnant woman wants my advice, I will give it to her but the unsolicited advice and opinions are seriously obnoxious.
• Try to keep in mind, more than anything, that it is different for each woman/family/couple and that one of the most important things is to LISTEN to the woman and try to be as accommodating, understanding and caring as possible, without passing any judgment.

So basically treat her like a strong, amazing woman.  Growing and bearing a child is no small feat.  And keep your damn comments to yourself.