Things That (Apparently) Aren’t For Everyone

Driving, long hair, aviators, perms, dancing, leggings as pants and/or jeggings, taking shots, regular hygiene, pie, guilt trips, kick spins, technology, thoughtful consideration, dairy, patience, bike riding, using public restrooms respectfully, hot pants, organization, playing card and/or board games, spicy food, time management of any kind, meat, making plans, listening.

5 Beauty Tips

Beauty’s only skin deep…but that doesn’t mean that you should give up on your outer appearance.  Of course I am a firm believer in people that are beautiful in every color, shape, size, gender: as long as they’re not total ugly douche bags.  And by ugly I mean rude.

That being said, it doesn’t mean that you can’t improve on or maintain your appearance.  I’m talking about style, folks, and making smart choices when it comes to fashion.  I’m not some kind of fashion guru, and sometimes I play it safe.  But I do consider myself a decent dresser and therefore have a few tips that I think will help those who are fashion-challenged (read: apparently can’t dress themselves).

1)      Wear clothes that fit.  Clothes that are too big for your body suggest that you have something to hide, or that you are ashamed.  And maybe you are feeling insecure about your body, but that giant sweatshirt or baggy pants do nothing for your image.  Often times wearing clothes that fit, appropriately, will make you look and feel like a million bucks.  Now some people might argue that these big clothes are more comfortable.  Be that as it may, you can also find clothes that serve BOTH the purpose of comfort and fashion--that fit (Pajama Jeans!).  Besides, certain comfortable clothes are made for the purpose of lounging around the house, not necessarily for going out for a nice meal, out on the town, to work in an office, etc.  On the flip side, wearing clothes that are too small are just as unattractive.  It doesn’t matter what physical shape you are in-clothes that are too tight/small are never a good look (at least outside of the gym/pool/beach).

2)      For women only:  Wear shoes that fit, and that you can walk in.  First of all, if you can’t walk in them, no matter how hard you are trying to pretend like you’ve got the situation under control-everyone knows you don’t.  Those 4-inch stilettos are made for strippers and/or clubbing, not for toting boxes of files in between law firms, or for bar hopping.  You will end up walking down Colfax barefoot by the end of the night, trust.  Secondly, if the shoes don’t fit, you face the unfortunate situation of throwin shrimp or throwin biscuit.  Throwin shrimp is when your toes hang over the edge of the shoe.  Throwin biscuit is when your heel hangs off the back of the shoe.  Neither of which are a good look.  Also buying shoes that are noticeably too big for you will only make you have a severe case of Japan foot.  Seriously ladies, it’s not that hard.  Buy some shit that fits.  **Note: Props to the Husband for all these awesome terms!

3)      Do your hair.  It doesn’t matter if you just comb it, or if you put a little product in it.  Spend some time making it look decent. Try not to put so much product in it that it looks like a grease pile, but don’t just roll out because “you don’t care”.  Because guess what?  Other people do, and they will judge you.

4)      Dressing like a hipster doesn’t mean having to look like a 5 year old.  Ok, ok, I get it.  You’re different--and yet not really different at all.  Here’s the thing: I really think there is a way to be unique and express yourself without having to stand out so much that even YOU know you look ridiculous (all the while telling yourself you’re totally rocking it).  Be true to yourself.  Because that will come out in your confidence and self-ease; and will stand out way more than any yellow bandanna/brown jumper/fanny pack combo.

5)      Smile.  People used to tell me to smile all the time and I hated it.  Some days I still do.  But when I smile while walking down the street-because the lighting is pretty or a song I like comes on my iPod-I feel better.  And I know I look better all around.  Even if my outfit is off and my wig is a mess, I still look pretty good because I am wearing that one important accessory.