· “Bless His/Her Heart”: This term is extremely
condescending, yet people who use it think it means they are exempt from sounding
like total assholes—even though in reality, they are being total assholes. It is often used to pass judgment on someone,
but done in a way that makes it look like you are being sweet and caring. “Look at that poor baby’s giant head, bless
his heart”; “It’s not her fault she has a raging alcoholic for a mother, bless
her heart”. The best part is, most of
the time the people that are having their ears raped by this language and
therefore exposed to the person’s blatant judgment, read through the lines and know
exactly what type of person they are
(bless their heart).
·
Saying something I am wearing is “fun”, “colorful”,
“sassy”, etc: This is a huge pet peeve of mine, because I wear items that could
fall into each one of those categories; the big difference here is that I think
they are fashionable and cute, and definitely NOT fun, colorful or sassy. The reason why it bothers me so much is
because it’s a way for people (especially women) to make a criticism of your
outfit in a backhanded way, so that it appears to be a compliment when really
it’s not. When I hear “well that’s a colorful bag” or “aren’t those
earrings fun!” I want to punch the bitch in the face, because I know what you’re
really trying to say here. You’re trying
to say that my style is not within your limited tastes and therefore you can’t
help yourself; you have to comment because you can’t believe someone would wear
something so outside of the box, and apparently offensive, since you made a
point to comment on it. And more than
anything, I really just want to reply back “Yes, well the bonus of wearing
sweats to work is that you don’t have to change when you get out of bed!”
· “Well, that’s all that matters”: Wrapping up a conversation with this term is
quite patronizing, and is typically not genuine, unless you are a parent trying
to console a child (which I bet money that doesn’t work either). “It looked like Johnny was having fun out
there, and that’s all that matters” (read: your child sucks at soccer); “Well,
even though you lost a ton of money, you learned an important lesson and that’s
all that matters” (read: you’re a retard who invested poorly); “Well you’re
here now, and that’s all that matters” (read: you know how much I hate it when
you’re late). The problem with this term
is that at one point maybe people did use it positively and really meant it but
now, with the various ways it is used as a passive aggressive weapon to
undermine people is just that: it’s a weapon.
And an effective one to boot because it makes you doubt yourself, and
the person’s sincerity as well, when it is used against you.
·
“No offense, but…”: This one is the Mother Lode. ANYTIME
ANYONE starts a sentence with this
term, brace yourself. Because obviously
they think that by stating that they don’t mean any offense, that means they
can go ahead and insult/offend you. “No
offense but I don’t really like your spouse”.
What?! Are you fucking kidding
me? That’s pretty offensive, since it’s
the person I’ve chosen to spend the rest of my life with. “No offense but sometimes your parenting
style is a little much”. Wrong on so
many levels. “No offense but when was
the last time you cleaned your tub?”.
IWKY. Just because you say “no
offense” before a statement does not, ever, give you the right to go ahead and
offend someone! I feel like this should
be a given, but apparently I am way off because people are still doing this. A lot.
Honestly I would prefer for someone just to come out and offend me so
that I can react properly and we can figure it out—even it if means
confrontation. I do realize that many of
the people who use this method are trying to avoid confrontation but
unfortunately the lasting implications of this behavior is deep, since the
person you just insulted is upset and hurt and yet feels in some weird way that
since the statement was prefaced with the no-offense-but comment that they can’t
react upset and hurt. Instead they have
to internalize those feelings and say, “oh it’s ok, you didn’t mean any offense”
while wanting to stab the person in the eyeballs. The offended goes home and takes it out on
their spouse/significant other/friends/a bottle of booze (or all of the above)
and depending on the person this can turn fairly problematic fast. And even if it didn’t, I just can’t grasp my
brain around the purpose of this one. It
doesn’t make sense to me at all. Be
offensive! Or don’t! But don’t be a coward, either, hiding behind
a false statement that you think will ease the impact of the offense you are
about to fling in my face.
I’m sure I’ve missed a few, so this could be an ongoing
post. Hopefully that won’t be the case,
though, because that will mean that I have not been subjected to the bullshit!
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