Red Lipstick: A Warning For The Ladies

Red lips are really only hot on the right woman, at the right time.  Marilyn Monroe totally pulled it off.  Beyonce totally pulls it off.  Women who have olive toned or darker skin can pull off most darker shades of lipstick, most of the time.  If you are pale, you can wear it, but you have to do it just right.  You don't want to rock it like it's hot just to have it wash you out.  And you have to be careful when you wear it during the daytime.  Personally I love red, mauve, hot pink, maroon--shades that many can't wear, I can.  Or I guess I 'll just say I do, and  have been since I was fourteen.  But here's one instance that it doesn't work (outside of gritty porn)-after too many drinks.  Here's what happens:  you go out to the bar, and you have your lips all done right.  Lined with the lip liner, color in place.  For the first few drinks, your lips are super hot and on point (and you go to the bathroom to check and then remind yourself of this in the mirror).  Then you slowly change from drinking vodka drinks out of a straw to beer or maybe wine, and your lipstick gets all over your glass.  As it wears off and you take more trips to the bathroom, you reapply.  This works well for a while.  And then, somewhere in between, you forget about your lipstick.  It fades and you don't apply gloss, or chapstick (regardless of the fact that you have a mouth lined in red, but the rest is devoid of color).  You could care less, because in reality you are sooooo hot by this point you don't even need it!  Then you head to the ladies room and realize with a shock that your lipstick is totally not on anymore!  So, you whip it out and apply liberally.  Armed with your luscious Marilyn Monroe lips, you head back out.  Then you forget about it for the rest of the night.  Dance, drink, laugh, fall, cry, whatever it is you do (or apparently what I do).  It isn't until the next day that you take a look at: 1) your shirt that is covered in red lipstick smears, 2) the pics that your friend posted on Facebook where there's lipstick all over your mouth and teeth but not quite on your lips, 3) your pockets, which are now lined in lipstick because you didn't put the cap back on and/or 4) your lipstick, which is covered in lint, tobacco, hair, liquor; and then you realize that maybe, just maybe the lipstick wasn't such a great idea after all.